Posts Tagged amusing

Attempted bicycle theft

Today, I found my bicycle upside-down, with the wheels taken off… but still there, chained to the bike rack.

Because I had a busy day and went into SF last night straight from campus, I left my bicycle at the downtown Berkeley BART station, right in the heart of Berkeley. I locked it up thoroughly, with my U-lock through the frame and helmet, and a cable lock through both the frame and the wheels.

When I found the bicycle, the U-lock and helmet were missing, and the wheels were taken off, but still there. I have no idea how they removed the U-lock; it’s possible that I didn’t lock it properly. They apparently bashed the cable lock with a brick, but that wasn’t highly effective, so they couldn’t get any of my precious bicycle.

The really funny thing was that all I really lost was the lock and helmet. Most of the cost of the replacement was the new lock: You know things are upside-down when all you lose is the lock itself!

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Michael Phelps

I once came up with a joke that you could tell on stage. It’s not that it’s the only time I’ve been funny, it’s just the only time that my humor actually fit well into a neat package. The joke was inspired at the last summer Olympics because of Michael Phelps, and it goes like this:

So, I read that Michael Phelps eats 8000 calories a day. 8000 calories. That’s enough to feed a family of 4. Well, if you eat like a family of four, you’re going to have to shit like a family of four. And that’s why he swims so fast–he’s got to get out so he can go to the bathroom.

But my joke was ruined today when I read this story about Michael Phelps (please excuse the link to Fox News). Apparently he now eats 12000 calories, thus making me modify the family of 4 to a family of 6. That bastard! That hungry, hungry, oh my god he ate my hand oh god get a doctor, bastard!



Hyrax video

Rock hyrax look cute when sitting around, but they jump over the rocks quite nimbly. I took some videos. I apologize that they’re kind of grainy and the light is bad, and the cameraman sucks, but I did what I could.

First, see a young rock hyrax jumping around. Those little buggers can really get around.

Second, and I can’t believe I caught this on tape, the hyrax proves not to be as sure-footed as he seems. I didn’t even notice this happen when I was filming–only looking back through the video did I see it, and then I laughed out loud.

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Driving again

Well, I got my car back. The California Highway Patrol (CHiPs!) called me on Saturday evening, and I picked it up on Sunday morning. The thieves took everything of value: my stereo, my roof rack (the most valuable thing), my hang-gliding helmet, and even my license plates. They even scratched off my parking permit, those bastards. And I had to pay $300 to get my car back from the towing company, making the entire expense approximately $1000 and a lot of hassle.

But, there is a lighter side to the story. For one thing, they installed a stereo in my car. See, when I got a new stereo, I just left the old one in the trunk because I’m lazy. And when I got the car back, it was installed! But, it had some anti-theft feature, so it won’t work, which is presumably why they didn’t take it. Maybe they were just testing it? In any case, it’s weird to have thieves install a stereo for you.

The thieves also left a bunch of crap in my car. There were some clothes, a soft guitar case, a shovel, a hammer, some screw drivers and chisels, a swiss army knife… and a digital camera. I turned the digital camera in to the police, and a detective called me to say that it contained pictures of people smoking meth. This led him to believe it was not a stolen camera, but rather the thieves’ camera. I’m actually rather hopeful that this will lead to some arrests. It’s not that I’ll get any of my stuff back, but I’d like to see wrongdoers punished, especially when they stole from me! Besides, I always loved stupid crook stories, and it’s hilarious to find myself in the middle of one, in real life. I have never had a better use for the user icon used on this post.

On the other hand, that glee was somewhat offset by the fact that it took 40 minutes for them to take the camera, once I reached the police station. It wasn’t clear what I was waiting for–I just sat there, alone in the lobby. Perhaps there was a good reason a cop couldn’t just, say, come out and take it, but I don’t know that reason.

On the gripping hand, at least the cops were on-the-ball enough to pull me over for driving without plates. And they were also understanding enough to see that I wasn’t a criminal and that my “my car was just stolen and recovered” story was pretty plausible. And now I’ve got new plates, a parking permit, and registration, so I should be driving legally again. (I keep proof of insurance in my wallet, in addition to the car.) I hadn’t realized how nice it is to be able to drive around!

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Grand Theft Auto

No, GTA isn’t just a computer game. Sometimes, someone actually steals your car. Just for the record, that sucks. I guess I’m less inconvenienced by it than some people–it’s an old car, and I don’t need it to get to work. I’m not even sure if I’d replace it. But that doesn’t stop it from sucking. It had hundreds of dollars of extras (new stereo, roof rack, and my hang gliding helmet in the trunk). And, getting to the hang gliding hangar will be noticeably less convenient without a car.

The good news is that the police officer said they have a 90% recovery rate. Apparently a lot of people steal old Hondas, ride them around, and abandon them. It might not still have my stereo, of course, but so it goes. It might be weeks before they find it, but odds are good that they didn’t steal it for parts. I mean, old Hondas aren’t exactly that valuable. So–eh. We’ll see.

The odd news is that I don’t seem to be so distraught about this. It’s mostly entertaining, and it hasn’t been much hassle yet. If I end up buying another car, that will suck–there’s little that’s more hassle than that. But for now, I haven’t suffered much, and it’s actually been kind of exciting.

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A funny thing happened on the way to the forum

I had some entertaining experiences today.

First, I was at a grocery store picking up supplies for Social Hour.  I was waiting in line, when I saw a guy with nothing but 20 pounds of butter in his cart.  ?!

Next, I was driving home after dropping off the supplies on campus.  Next to me, stopped at a light, was a bus (blue; presumably a church or after-school activity bus) of schoolchildren.  I waved at them, and they started making faces at me.  I made faces back, and finally curled my tongue into a clover-leaf shape, as I can.  They recoiled in shock.  Then the light changed, and I waved as they drove away.  It was fun.

Finally, looking out the window, I noticed a squirrel on top of the neighbor’s broken chimney.  It would have been an awesome picture.  I immediately grabbed the camera and tried to get it out of its bag, but the squirrel didn’t stay on the chimney for long.

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