Archive for October, 2009
I consider myself a member of the blues community, here in the Bay Area, and our community has some shining stars. Chief among them are the attractive young women who dance so very well. We also have some photographers, and I’ve noticed that the photographers do photo shoots of the attractive young women. Just up and out of the blue, the photographers take free (and quite good) glamour shots of them.
I find myself intensely jealous. An attractive young woman is gifted with an inherently better life than the rest of us. There are no downsides to her fortune–she can do anything the rest of us can, but she can also inspire desire. As a plain young man, like all men, I will never be so enticing as any of them. No one will ever breathlessly hope to take my picture, nor will they for most people–just these lucky few.
It’s not that I don’t understand why it’s so. It’s just that it’s so frustrating knowing that, like so many others, I’ll always be a second-rate citizen.
Harry Potter was obviously written by a woman. I’ve been reading/listening to book 5, “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” and I’ve just passed the point where Harry goes on a date with Cho. They go to a coffeeshop and sit surrounded by couples holding hands and kissing, and Harry’s thought is, “she’ll expect me to do that too–how terrifying!”
What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever had a chance to hold the hand of someone you had a crush on? Did you lack the desire to do so? If so, you weren’t a young man, because I can assure you, the desire to touch and kiss is extraordinary, matched only by the enormous fear of the consequences if you do so and she’s unhappy about it. I can’t imagine anyone missing that drive; it’s so visceral and all-consuming.
However, I’m told that women often engage in sexual behavior that makes them uncomfortable because they feel societal expectation, and so I theorize that this is the reaction a woman might have–indifference mixed with expectation and fear. How else could you explain such a bizarre set of emotions? It’s just such an alien reaction to me, though, that I can’t understand how it made it into the book. Wouldn’t most anyone who read the book immediately wonder, “Why didn’t Harry want to kiss her?”
So, my question to you: when you were young, say, 16, and had the chance to kiss someone, were you excited about it or just expected to do so?
Task: fake navy tattoos for Shades of Blues Navy Night
Difficulty: drawing them upside-down on my own arm, one of them left-handed
I think they turned out all right.
I’ve been helping “mentor” at SwingCal, Berkeley’s student-run swing-dancing class. That means I don’t teach, but I dance with students and give them tips.
After the class, there’s some social dancing, and then too I mostly dance with students. One student was amused by my style and said, “You remind me of Will Ferrell.” The question is, is that a compliment or an insult?
Yesterday I was mostly not in a good mood. I was full of that anxious feeling in which I want reassurance, and I was unable to quell it.
But at Shades of Blues, it all went away, and I felt quite confident. I got “dance-drunk,” where I didn’t have to think too much about the movements and just felt good. I’m glad I went.
I have now sent my resume to 5 different companies, including Willow Garage. I will do more, but it’s a start.